"Oh boy, another school dance,"Ron said reading the notice that was posted
on then Gryffindor notice board.
Jeff: A historical note -- this is the first
fic we've done that didn't start with a sunny day.
Analyn: "Oh boy?" What the butt, is this 1954?
"Golly gee whiz, I'll ask my best girl to the sock hop! It'll be so
swell!"
"Oh come on Ron, it will be fun," Hermione said smilling.
"I guess so."
"It will, trust me."
"Okay."
Eddie: ... well that was easy. Imagine what
this world would be like if someone ALWAYS believed someone else just because
they were told.
Jeff: "I did not have sexual relations with
that woman."
Analyn: "Really?"
Jeff: "Yeah, trust me."
Analyn: "Okay."
"Come on lets go tell Harry!"
Analyn: ... because Harry is an illiterate blind
deaf-mute? Wait, why isn't Harry next to them now?
"Okay,"Ron said following Hermione out of the Gryffindor Common room and
down the halls to the Great Hall. Sure enough Harry was there at the Gryffindor
table.
Jeff: There's your answer, Annie, he was busy
being at the Gryffindor table.
Analyn: Well, yeah, that's important stuff.
I hear the Hogwarts students take Being At The Gryffindor Table 101 for
credit.
Ron sat down across from Harry and Hermione sat down beside Ron.
Analyn: Audiences will not be seated during
the ... well, the seating scene.
"Harry, there is going to be another school dance," Hermione said happily.
Ron didn't know why she was so excited about a school dance, but he continued
eating his dinner
Eddie: ... that he doesn't have?
Jeff: [Ron] Mmm, mmm, air! It's
oxy-tastic!
while Hermione and Harry talked about it.
Jeff: [Harry] Hey, Hermione! It!
Analyn: [Hermione] Wow, really? It?
Jeff: [Harry] Yes indeed!
"Oh really?"
All: O RLY!?
"Yes, it is going to be next Friday," she shrieked.
[all laugh]
Jeff: "Shrieked?" What, did the thought of a
dance give Hermione an orgasm or something?
"Okay."
Analyn: [Hermione] Trust us.
Eddie: [Harry] Okay.
"Are you going to go? Ron and I are."
Eddie: Wait, when did Ron say he'd go?
Jeff: I guess you couldn't hear him over Hermione's
dancegasm.
"Wait you two are going together?" Harry asked with a smile on his
face.
"Are you-- Woah wait a second.
Jeff: [Ron] This isn't my Batman cup!
Ron and I are not going together, I mean of course we are going together,
but as friends not a date."
Analyn: Hermione! Sweetheart! Calm down a notch,
Ron hasn't even said he wants to go! Let alone go with you!
Eddie: Has he even said anything these past
few lines?
Jeff: Naah, he's too busy eating his air.
Eddie: [Ron] Hermione, who even said we were
friends?
"Oh really? Well I guess I will go and hang out with Ron and you unless
of course he gets a date or you get a date." Harry said laughing.
Jeff: Or perhaps you could get a date, Harry.
Usually this is where we make some joke about your datability, but you're
FREAKING HARRY POTTER. Women want you, men want to be you. You're
like the James Bond of the wizarding world.
"Oh shutup Harry,"Ron barrled into the conversation.
Analyn: The roll of Ron tonight will be played
by a Mr. Donkey Kong.
"Hermione why are you so eager to go to this dance? You got a hot date,"Harry
asked laughing again.
Eddie: [Harry] Ha ha, it's funny when people
are sexually attracted to each other!
"No, but it will be fun,"Hermione said defensivly,"and besides I could
always get a date."
"Oh is Vicky boy coming to town?" Ron asked chuckling.
Analyn: Please?
Jeff: What?
Analyn: Didn't say anything.
"Don't call him that, but no he isn't. I don't really talk to him
anymore."
"Oh really? You don't owl Krum anymore?" Ron asked smiling.
Eddie: You know, I never understood why Hogwarts
never employed email. Seriously, they have a moat full of mermaids, but they
can't put it upon themselves to purchase a mac for the library.
"No. Now if you will excuse me I am going to the Dormitory to do my homework
before either of you come up with another way to offend me," Hermione said
walking off in a huffy.
Jeff: She walked off in a kid's bicycle? Pretty
slick.
Analyn: Is The Dormitory some sort of swank
club?
"Harry, do you think we offended her in anyway?" Ron asked.
Eddie: [Ron] I mean, she crawled inside a bicycle
and everything.
"We? I didn't offend her you DID,"Harry said
"Whatever,"Ron said stretching his arms.
"Hey we should probably be heading back to the Common Room."
"Yeah sure."
All: Trust me.
When they got inside the common room Hermione was sitting at the fireplace
diligently finishing her homework. Ron walked over to where she was sitting
and asked,"Do you mind if I sit here?"
Analyn: Where, where she was sitting?
Jeff: Maybe he meant on her lap.
Analyn: Maybe he wants HER to sit on HIS lap,
which I'm sure she wouldn't mind...
"No,"she said rather rudely.
"Hey look, I'm really sorry about what happend at dinner, I shouldn't have
been a jerk. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" Ron said while sitting down and
giving her the pouty face.
Eddie: Like, what, he took a face that looked
pouty and handed it to her? Cool!
"Yes I forgive you just stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" Ron said still giving her the pouty face,"Like this?"
"Yes,"Hermione said giggling,"Please stop."
Analyn: Hello, FlirtyPreteenGirl!Ron and
QueenGiggles!Hermione, have we met?
"Okay Hermy."
Jeff: What's worse, the fact that that reminds
me of when Miss Piggy called Kermit "Kermy" or the fact that that seems like
Ron's calling Hermione a hermaphrodite?
"So do you still have homework?" Hermione asked.
"You know it."
"What do you have left to do?" Hermione asked.
All: [Ron] You.
"Potion's Essay and thats it,"Ron said.
"Okay I will help you, if you need it."
"Of course I do,"Ron said while pulling a peice of parchment out of his
bag.
"Okay,"Hermione said.
So she explained the whole paper to Ron so he could write it.
Analyn: ... say what? Doesn't Hermione usually
get really pissy when Harry and Ron ask her for help?
Jeff: I guess being in Twue Wuv means that you
do the guy's homework for him.
Analyn: The hell it does!
"Alright,thanks for the help." Ron said.
"Oh, no problem." Hermione said.
Eddie: [Ron] Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going
to walk over to the closet where the Real Hermione is bound and gagged, untie
her, and then slay you, you evil evil pod creature.
"Well I'm going to bed, goodnight 'Mione."
"Yeah me to. Goodnight Ron."
Ron walked up slowly to the room
Analyn: That's important.
Jeff: He walked slowly?
Eddie: Slowly.
Analyn: Slow.
Jeff: Right.
Analyn: Trust me.
Eddie: Okay.
that he shared with Harry, Nevielle, Dean, and Seamus. All of the other
boys were sound asleep. Ron just quietly walked over to his bed
All: Slowly.
and climbed into it and fell asleep without changing into his pajamas.
He woke up to Harry hitting him on the head with his pillow and screaming,"RON
WAKE UP! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE QUIDITCH PITCH REMEMBER! I SAID I WOULD HELP
YOU WORK ON YOUR KEEPER SKILLS!"
[All laugh]
Eddie: Too much sugar on the Cheerios,
Harry?
Jeff: Jesus, it's like One Flew Over the
Coocoo's Nest' on cocaine.
Analyn: Harry's an English male for crying out
loud, is he ever anything aside from quiet and reserved?
Eddie: I think Harry just forgot his
medicine.
"Yeah, man. Stop yelling in my ear. You hurt my eardrum!"
Analyn: And the pillow to the face did nothing
for you ... ?
"Whatever get off your lazy arse and get ready to go practice."
"FINE!"
Ron slowly
Jeff: So Harry is The ADD Avenger and Ron is
80 years old, gotcha.
go out of bed and put on a new shirt and pants.
Eddie: Not to mention some 3D glasses, leg warmers,
a tutu, a beanie with a propeller, a purple poncho and some ice skates.
Then him and Harry walked down to the Quiditch Pitch and got their
brooms.
Analyn: [Ron] Harry, ever wonder why the hell
we just don't all switch to vacuum cleaners?
"Okay Ron, I'll get the Quaffle you go gaurd your goals."
"Okay,"Ron said.
All: Trust me.
Ron swung one leg over his broom and flew up to the three rings that he
was to guard. Harry came out of the locker room with a Quaffle then flew
in front of the three rings.
"Okay. Give it your best shot!" Ron yelled.
Jeff: Does this whole thing feel a little homoerotic
to anyone else?
Analyn: In the 'drop the soap' kind of way,
yeah.
Harry threw the Quaffle into one of the three rings and Ron looked a little
angry.
Eddie: [Ron] How DARE you play the game
correctly!
"That was lucky,"Ron yelled.
Jeff: [Harry] Your MOM was lucky!
Eddie: [Ron] Dude, what?
Jeff: [Harry] Sorry ... I'm a bad Quidditch
hooligan. I think it comes from being English.
Harry kept throwing the Quaffle at one of the three rings sometimes missing
and sometimes getting the Quaffle into the ring.
Analyn: ... well, yes, that would be what would
logically happen if you threw a ball at a hoop a number of times.
When they were done Ron and Harry went into the locker room and put their
brooms up and the Quaffle.
Eddie: [Ron] Hey, Harry, any idea what any of
this has to do with the plot?
When they walked out of the locker room Hermione was standing right
there.
"Oh there you two are." She said.
"Yeah Hermione, whats up?" Harry asked.
"Oh, nothing I just wanted to ask you two if you were coming to eat
lunch?"
Analyn: So you ASSUME they're coming to the
ball but you ASK if they'll eat lunch. Mmmkay.
"Oh but of course,"Ron said.
"Yeah thats what I thought." Hermione said giggling.
Jeff: Tee hee, it's funny when people need to
eat!
"So how was practice you two?"She asked walking beside them towards the
Great Hall.
"It was okay, I could have done better." Ron said.
"Okay, well do you two have anymore homework to do before the end of the
weekend?"
"Nope,"Harry and Ron said at the same time. Hermione looked shocked, they
almost never finished their homework before Sunday.
Analyn: Yeah, seriously. Did the author read
the books? I'm waiting for the scene when Snape and Dumbledore, both adorned
in authentic 60s garb complete with tye dye and sunglasses, light up a fat
doobie and put all their hallucinations in the pensive while listening to
"Inna Gadda Divida."
Jeff: Meanwhile, a thugged out Hagrid and Luna
are busy ricing out the school carriages with spinners and tinted
windows.
Eddie: And then Tonks and Lupin do a
cabaret!
Analyn: That one's a little bit likely to
happen.
Eddie: ... point.
They had just entered the Great Hall and saw Malfoy picking on some second
year. The three of them sat down at the Gryffindor table and Ron started
putting loads of food on his plate.
A/N: I was going to put this chapter together with the 2nd one but I decided
that it would be to long, so I split them up. So the 2nd chapter should be
posted soon. Please read and review.
Eddie: Because editing is for sissies.